I have a dark side. I’m ruthless when I must. I don’t like admitting this even if it is a character trait that’s admired in some quarters — sport, business, shopping, but in the garden? Sadly, yes. To be a successful gardener, it’s essential to be ruthless. Plants will test your patience. They can be fickle, stubborn, uncooperative, and downright frustrating.
Give some an inch
and they’ll take over your garden; give others their own premium location and they sulk. It’s too bad plants aren’t sentient enough to realize that if they don’t grow as expected in my garden, there are severe penalties — and I’m a tough love judge, three strikes and you are out judge, a hanging judge. In fact, I make Judge Judy look like Mother Theresa on valium.
Insensitivity goes a long way in garden care. Don’t get me wrong, there’s plenty of opportunity for rehabilitation, and the three strikes and you are out policy is relaxed if it isn’t three consecutive strikes, which a few plants appear to have figured out. They play dead for a couple of years then give a gold medal performance. I praise them, I reward them with extra fertilizer, and then the following year they look like they fell off the final sale rack outside the grocery store. What do you do?
I must accept it’s not always the fault of the plant. It might have had a lousy childhood in a greenhouse or nursery, or it could be in the wrong type of soil or in the wrong location. The soil in this area is alkaline. Stick a Rhododendron or azalea in soil that’s too alkaline and it will refuse to grow well. If a plant likes sandy soil, it won’t appreciate clay for its roots. Some like moist soil, others like it dry.
It might be too hot, too dry, too wet, too windy, too sunny, or too shady for a particular plant’s liking. There are variations between species. For instance, blue or green hosta prefer more shade while the gold or yellow types like more sun. Therefore, even though I may be ruthless, I take all these factors into consideration before sentencing. For instance, I have clumps of daylilies that I seem to recall adoring, but they’ve begun to annoy me and will have to be dug and divided, or even disposed of.
If I’ve done everything possible to provide perfect conditions for a plant and it still doesn’t bloom or show any sign of enthusiasm, it’s into the discard heap. I planted two hydrangeas on the east side of the house last year and every three days, they go limp, so more water all summer long. Nothing takes more water than these, I am thinking these plants have got to go. So yes, I’m ruthless when it comes to gardening.